


The Very Unexpected Diary of Balin Son of Fundin

by windfallswest



Series: The Very Unexpected Diaries [5]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Diary/Journal, Gen, Humor, Parody, Very Secret Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 07:25:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windfallswest/pseuds/windfallswest





	The Very Unexpected Diary of Balin Son of Fundin

**Balin son of Fundin**

 

 **Day 1**  
Lost King in Greenwood. Thrain asking for it, has been making elk-calls since came under trees. Elves have no sense of humour.

Maybe Thorin will be more sensible ruler.

 

 **Day 36,458**  
Well, there's another plan down the tubes.

 

 **Day 36,475**  
Taking bets on who in Company will be first to tell Bilbo rune on door meant 'bugger' not 'burglar'. Obviously did not read fine print on contract, as caught him putting moves on Bifur last night. Bifur will kill him if he tries anything.

 

 **Day 36,494**  
Fili and Kili too daft to notice fourteen-foot mountain trolls carrying off ponies. I fear for House of Durin. Feel long conversation coming up.

Just as soon as escape sack.

 

 **Day 36,495**  
Gandalf walking strangely. Bofur says is having trouble keeping up with Fili and Kili. Bofur horribly common. Told Bofur age not factor in these affairs. Spent night pursuing argument v thoroughly. Fancy mattock apparently not just for show.

 

 **Day 36,509**  
Rivendell all right, except for Elves. Suspect Fili and Kili have been learning poncy hair-braiding techniques. Young people these days.

 

 **Day 36,562**  
Am starting to wonder if Thorin read fine print on contract. Perhaps discreet conversation called for.

 

 **Day 36,563**  
Thorin right: Khadzad-dûm definitely gone downhill since Nain eaten by Balrog.

 

 **Day 36,566**  
Would say I am too old to climb up trees, but no Dwarf belongs in tree, whatever age. Ori says I am stick in the mud. Told Ori would much rather have feet firmly in mud, thank you. Fortunately, only direction things can go from here is down.


End file.
